Today's Experiment: Failed
by Waton
Summary: The story of Naraku's 'other' detachments. Warning: Rampant OOCness


Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha and crew. Rumiko Takahashi does. Other ripped off characters belong to their respective owners.  
  
A/N: Takes place after Kagura and Kanna were created.  
  
"........." represents speech  
  
*.........* represents thoughts  
  
_____ represents scene change  
  
Warning: rampant OOCness and toilet/sexual humor  
  
  
  
  
  
Today's Experiment: Failed  
  
An Inuyasha Fanfic  
  
By Kale Makenshi  
  
It was a sunny day in the Sengoku Jidai, but the eternal bask of darkness that surrounded Naraku's castle prevented any of its inhabitants from enjoying it. Kagura was walking around bored out of her mind, Naraku was plotting some evil to do, and Kanna..........well she was doing whatever she usually does. Naraku had been playing around with the almost complete Shikon no Tama, experimenting on what it could do. So far it could corrupt, possess, resurrect, and allow people to give birth, even if they are of the wrong gender.  
  
He had fun with the last one. Seeing as to how Kagura and Kanna were such successes, even though Inuyasha wasn't dead yet but he was close, and how easy it was to control them (deceit and treachery were getting too complicated), he decided to make more detachments. Of what kind, he was contemplating. However, contemplating was getting rather tiresome so he left the task to his imagination. His imagination was a separate entity and so he could spend more time deciding how to destroy that retched Inuyasha.  
  
His imagination finished a few minutes later, and Naraku went into labor. Not the normal kind, but where he holds the Shikon no Tama and releases pods from different parts of his body. Five pods to be precise. And with each pod came an urn, the ones that held their hearts, just in case.  
  
He summoned the other two inhabitants of the castle. "Kagura! Kanna!" They took their bloody time. Kagura walked since she despised Naraku, and Kanna......... only could walk. "Witness the birth of your new younger siblings."  
  
"Oh joy." Kagura mumbled. Kanna said nothing.  
  
The first pod grew to the size of a human, and guess what was inside? A female, who looked exactly human, popped out. Even with the dim light, they could make out raven black hair, brown eyes, miko clothing, *Miko Clothing?!* the three.......... Well two of them thought. *It's......... It's.........Kikyo?* Naraku thought. Kagura voiced her thoughts, "Isn't she that girl who follows Inuyasha around and shoots those annoying arrows?" She looked like a combination of both Kagome and Kikyo.  
  
The Kikyo/Kagome look-a-like stared hard at them, with hatred in her eyes and intent to kill. Naraku figured it out. *It must have been that hair sample I saved. Either that or Onigumo's horny again.* He punched himself in the gut several times to try to hurt the heart inside him. "Stay quiet and just do nothing. This is my body, not yours!"  
  
"Um......... Naraku. Her?" Kagura pointed at the newly spawned detachment. Her hand was raising, seemingly intent to purify them. However what happened next made even Kanna sweat drop.  
  
The formerly vengeance seeking hand turned into a wave of greeting. "Hiya! My name's Kiki-kagome! I'm the detachment that was spawned from your innermost desires. Actually, a copy of your innermost desires."  
  
"Damn you Onigumo. Another reason I want the Shikon no Tama so much." Naraku thought about this new development. Perhaps she could 'replace' Kagome and kill Inuyasha when he least suspects it. Nah, his sense of smell was strong enough to tell the true difference. But if she had perfume, his sense of smell could be negated. Oh hell, why not make him suffer first. He'll die eventually. Or she could end those lonely nights by himself......... He punched himself to make sure to hurt Onigumo before that last thought continued itself into a full-blown fantasy.  
  
Kiki-kagome interrupted Naraku's scheming. "This miko outfit is not exactly what I wanted......... be right back!" With that, she teleported herself where she could change clothes. Naraku and Kagura stood there speechless.  
  
______  
  
"Kagome-sama, what's the matter?" Miroku asked. "Your body was trembling for a moment there." The group turned their attention to her.  
  
"It's nothing. Just a bad feeling." Kagome told everyone.  
  
______  
  
"Kikyo-sama, is something wrong?" a wounded soldier that Kikyo was taking care of asked. "You were shaking."  
  
Kikyo thought about it and responded, "It's nothing. Just a bad feeling."  
  
_______  
  
Naraku and Kagura were not speechless for long as she came back, in an outfit that would have put Yura of the inverted hair to shame. Except Naraku never even met Yura, but her outfit was still raunchy nevertheless. Blood would have flowed to a single area in his body, but Naraku was made up of Youkai, so he didn't have any blood. So his nose was clear of any overflowing.  
  
"What do you think? Think Inuyasha'll finally notice me?" Kiki-kagome spun around for effect.  
  
"Inuyasha?" Naraku asked.  
  
"Yeah, I mean, I tried the innocent priestess routine to the ditzy school girl routine but he still won't notice me! I know he loves me but he won't do anything about it! "  
  
"Why him? Why not me?"  
  
"Aw......... poor Naraku. Evil bastards were never my thing. There's something special about him. Like......... his dog-ears. They're so adorable! I wanna tweak them all day long!"  
  
"I can have dog ears too........." With that, two black haired dog-ears popped out of Naraku's head.  
  
"But it isn't the same. He's just so huggable."  
  
Naraku sighed and decided to get on with it. "Who's next?" Another pod quivered and released its contents. This one was a short human male with grotesquely long arms and walked as if he had no balance. More noticeable than that was the smell.  
  
Kagura pinched her nose while saying, "Ew......... what's that smell?" She was thankful for her ability to use the winds and directed the winds away from her. Towards Naraku.  
  
Naraku observed the new detachment. It's clothes were torn and in rags, and seemed to lack any sign of life. "Ah, you must be the detachment of shouki." [shouki is the poisonous gas that Naraku releases]  
  
"Shouki?" It responded.  
  
"Yes, shouki. Don't you even know what you're releasing?"  
  
Kagura interjected. "Naraku, that's not shouki. Isn't shouki purple?"  
  
Naraku took this information in. "If that smell isn't shouki, than what is.........oh." Naraku figured it out and teleported the detachment to another part of the castle, without even asking its name. "I'll save it for Inuyasha. He wouldn't stand the smell for a second. Now what's next?"  
  
As if on cue, another pod quivered and released its contents. Out came a tall male figure, with short hair, and dressed in black. On his back he carried a massive sword, with intricate designs carved in it. The figure however, said nothing for a while. Naraku was glad he wasn't odorous at least. "What's your name?"  
  
The figure said nothing. Naraku was getting angry. "Answer me! I am your creator!"  
  
The figure merely shrugged and said "Hmph."  
  
Naraku was getting pissed. "That's it! Answer me or suffer the consequences!" He summoned the heart for effect.  
  
The black clad figure gave in, without showing any emotion. "I am Kumosukuwa. The detachment of badass-ness."  
  
"So you live to fight?"  
  
"Whatever."  
  
"How do you feel about mass destruction, mainly a dog hanyou and his group?"  
  
"Whatever."  
  
"Do you have any motivation whatsoever?"  
  
"Whatever."  
  
Naraku groaned. This was not his day. Another pod quivered and its contents came pouring out. "Please, oh please let this be a good one," Naraku prayed to whatever god would have favor upon him. However, no god would actually have favor upon him as he was about to find out.  
  
The new detachment immediately got up and revealed itself. It was a tall male, like Kumosukawa, except dressed in white and had long beautiful hair. *Beautiful? Oh dear kami-sama.* Naraku sighed. Kagura was drooling. "Hey, this one ain't half bad." The detachment revealed himself to be a very, very handsome male.  
  
"How you doin'? My name is Jakenofu. I'm the detachment of bishounen- ness." He brushed his hair with his right hand, and Kagura was nearly swooning.  
  
"Can we keep him? Can we keep him?"  
  
Naraku went into thinking mode, trying to figure out how he could be useful. Perhaps for distracing Sango and Kagome, but nothing more. His thought mode was interrupted as he felt a hand fondling his body. His rear end to be exact. The hand belonged to Jakenofu.  
  
"Sorry Kagura, I don't swing that way. How bout you and I do a little father-son bonding, heh heh heh?"  
  
A vein popped out of Naraku's head. Although his body didn't have any blood, it made an exception by letting tissue protrude out, simulating a vein popping. "Touch me again and you'll suffer so much that you'd wish you've never been born."  
  
"Oh......... so you're that type. Well, two can play that game." Jakenofu brought out a whip from his white kimono and tested it out. Naraku sent an energy blast which knocked him into the opposite end of the room. Jakenofu wasn't fazed at all but took notice of Kumosukuwa. "How you do........." Kumosukuwa cut him off before he could finish.  
  
"Touch me and I'll jam my sword where the sun don't shine."  
  
"Really? But I haven't even seen sunlight yet........."  
  
"Are you trying to counter my badass logic of clichés?"  
  
Naraku left the two alone to deal with their issues. He was dreading what would come out of the next pods. As predicted, the last pod quivered, but instead of spewing out its contents, it opened up. Like a blooming flower. A small girl climbed out. What was most unusual about the girl was her clothing. It looked very similar to the style that Kagome wore, short skirt and all. Naraku was unprepared for the horror that would come next.  
  
"DADDY!!!!!!!!!" The girl ran up to Naraku and latched herself to his leg. Naraku, scared out of his usual calm composure, tried to shake her off. "Get off of me! Get off of me!" Kagura meanwhile was rolling on the floor laughing.  
  
He finally managed to get her off, but only because she was tired of it. She introduced herself. "My name's Sakura and I'm the mahou shoujo aspect of the detachment of kawaii-ness!"  
  
Naraku tried to think of a way of how to use her, but came up short. So he asked her, "What can you do?"  
  
"I told you I'm a mahou shoujo."  
  
Naraku never heard of the concept, mainly because they lived in the 16th century. "Mahou shoujo?"  
  
"Magical girl. You know......... this." Sakura took out a small wand and waved it around. Her clothes disappeared and new more exorbitant ones took its place. It was completely pink with frills and everything.  
  
"That's uh..........neat, but what can you do?"  
  
"Magical sparkling bubble attack!" Sakura waved her wand around and pointed it at him. Putting up his hands, Naraku braced for the attack but found that nothing came. He lowered his hands and saw......... bubbles. He popped one to test it out. Not bubbles with poison gas inside, but just bubbles.  
  
"Useless."  
  
Sakura struggled to come with an excuse. "That's cause.......... I ..........haven't found my handsome male counterpart!" Naraku merely glared at her. "Everyone knows that the male counterpart to a magical girl always helps her out!" She ran up to Jakenofu, but changed her mind she he couldn't work as a potential romantic interest. She turned her attention to Kumosukuwa. "Would you be my male counterpart?"  
  
"Buzz off, pest." He and everyone else started to regret him saying that when tears started to form in her eyes. Then came the screams. And what loud piercing screams they were. Naraku, along with everyone else, fell to the floor, trying to cover his ears with his hands, trying to block out the screams. Luckily, he changed his dog ears back to his normal ears. He looked around, trying to find a way to cease the infernal screaming. His eyes fell upon Kanna, who seemed to be not perturbed at all by her wailing.  
  
"Kanna! Stop her!" Naraku yelled, hoping it was loud enough for her to hear.  
  
Kanna however, didn't have a clue as to how, so she took it literally. She walked up to Sakura and said, more like mumbled monotonously, "Stop."  
  
Surprisingly, Sakura noticed her and stopped. Sakura stared at Kanna for a few moments and her frown turned into a smile. "Hi! I'm Sakura, what's your name?"  
  
Kanna remained emotionless. "Kanna."  
  
"You'll be my friend won't you?"  
  
"N........." But Sakura grabbed her hand and ran off with her before she could finish.  
  
"Sure you will!"  
  
"Let. Me. Go." Kanna was unused to running and her command was interrupted by short gasps for air.  
  
"Wait," Naraku commanded. "You said you were the mahou shoujo aspect of the detachment." He was afraid to ask his question. "Are there other......... aspects?"  
  
Sakura stopped to think about it, leaving Kanna to fall to the floor breathing in large amounts of air. "Oh yeah, that's right! Come out Carro!" From the flower pod, a small critter exposed its head. It jumped out and ran towards Naraku.  
  
Naraku was scarred out of his baboon skin. "NO! STAY AWAY!" The critter paid no heed to him and jumped on his head. Carro looked like a squirrel, except it had a large bushy tail, white fur, and was so kawaii that Naraku was gagging. With a free tentacle, he grabbed the poor creature and threw him to where Kumosukuwa and Jakenofu was.  
  
"That's it!" Naraku decided he had no use for the odd group and were better dead than alive. He summoned their hearts into his hands and crushed them between his palms. The newly detachments returned to the purple goop they had formed from.  
  
"Ku ku ku ku HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Naraku thought that outright insane laughter seemed more appropriate than Japanese villain laughter.  
  
Kagura tried to get his attention. "Um......... Naraku?"  
  
"What is it?" He looked to where Kagura was pointing. Standing there was, Kiki-kagome, not having turned into primordial soup like her brethren. His mouth was agape. "How? How is it possible? I crushed your heart! You can't possibly live without it!"  
  
Kiki-kagome, still in her skimpy outfit, looked confused for a while then figured it out. "You mean this thing?" Her hand extended forth and in it was her heart. "I figured that it would be better in my possession. Wouldn't want it to be in the wrong hands, it is my life after all. I really should get going. INUYASHA! I'm coming to you!" With that, she disappeared.  
  
Naraku sighed. "That was the most pointless thing I've done in my 50 years of life. Even giving that monk the air void was more productive than this. What should I do about Kiki-Kagome?" He resumed his scheming mode. *She could easiliy reveal my location, but she could cause Inuyasha trouble......... Might as well just leave her alone.*  
  
He stood up and walked out of the room. "Kagura, be sure to clean that up."  
  
"Yes sir, I'd be happy to," Kagura said in a mocking tone of voice. "I'm your servant, sir. I wouldn't want to end up like them would I?"  
  
_____________  
  
Near the village where Inuyasha and group resided, a large yell full of desire could be heard for miles. "INUYASHA!"  
  
Inuyasha looked up from his bowl of ramen as he heard his name was called. Sitting under the sacred tree with the others on what was called a 'picnic' (the term was foreign to him), he said, "Kagome? Was that you?"  
  
"No........., I'm right here. It sounded like it was far away."  
  
"Then was it Kikyo?"  
  
"Do you think she could sound that emotional?"  
  
"Then who........."  
  
Inuyasha was cut off as he saw the caller of his name. "Kikyo? Kagome? Who........."  
  
Kiki-kagome ran up to him with arms wide upon and a lot revealed. "Inuyasha! I found you!" Everyone just stared. Actually, Miroku was drooling, which was rectified when Sango noticed. Inuyasha was about to ask who she was when he quickly found his face right in her cleavage as she hugged him.  
  
Kagome was outraged by the situation. "Wh.........wh......... what are you doing?! Who are you?"  
  
Kikyo chose that exact time to appear. "Kill competition now. Ask questions later." Kagome and Kikyo combined their miko powers to purify the one who wanted to steal their Inuyasha away from them. And all was well. Except Inuyasha was 'osuwari'-ed a dozen times and Miroku had a large lump on his head, but all was well.  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ A/N: Carro is from Grandia  
  
Kumosukuwa: Kumo means cloud. Sukuwa sounds like squall. From Final Fantasy series.  
  
Jakenofu: 'inspired' *cough*ripped off*cough* by Jakotsu. He comes in the series later on.  
  
Crap, I get the feeling that I might have ripped this off another fic that I read. If this resembles yours, notify me.  
  
First draft completed: -08/01/2002 


End file.
